Where I've been....

I have been HORRIBLE at blogging. Even after I said I was going to be BETTER at blogging and keeping up with it. Even though I WANTED to keep up. In my mind I had about 100 blog entries. I even have a few of them partically written. Just never got around to posting. Life gets busy. So here is basically EVERYTHING in a nutshell of what has been going on. Warning: they are VERY random thoughts. And for the record...I'm not going to promise consistant blog posts anymore. I will post when I can. :)

* I'm 34 weeks pregnant with baby #5.

* I waddle when I walk.

* I have my hospital bags packed and ready to go.

* I have decided to embark on a new adventure with this baby. CLOTH DIAPERING! I'm really excited to start. I mean...I already have load upon load of laundry to do. Whats an extra load every other day right? And my MAIN motivation for doing this is the fact that I will save our family LOTS of money. I am home all day with my kiddos. The least I can do is try to save some money. I figured this was a good way to do it. And give me brownie points with the environment as well. (does that cancel out the fact that I purchased a bunch of paper plates, cups, bowls, & silverware to use after the baby is born???) I've been researching it since I was pregnant with #4 so I just decided to go with it.

* I started to pass out today in the dr office while they were trying to hear the baby's heartbeat. It was somewhat embarassing. The whole room turned black so I quickly rolled onto my left side. Note to self: Do not lay on your back for more than a few seconds. (my big prego belly just crushes my lungs causing me to not be able to breathe!)

* The kids are about done with their school year. YAY...something FINALLY went as planned. :) The goal was to be done before baby arrived.

* Right now...for the first time in almost 9 yrs I don't have a child in diapers nor do I carry a diaper bag. (I gave up carrying a purse and just used the diaper bag as my purse for the past 8 1/2 yrs until about 6 months ago when gracie no longer needed me to bring a change of clothes with us wherever we went--she's been potty trained since 18 months of age). At one point I even had 3 kids in diapers at one time! But I'm actually excited to get back to using a diaper bag. I bought a super cute one...and I just don't have enough room in my purse...So I don't mind carrying just a diaper bag.

* I'm obsessed with grapes and cream cheese fruit dip. It's my third trimester pregnancy craving.

* I have been HORRIBLE at taking pictures lately. I barely take any of the kids. Must.get.better.at.that. Nor have I taken any pregnancy shots. Usually I'm all about taking lots of my big ol' belly. I guess I"m just too lazy to do it these days. So strange...because most would consider me a compulsive photo taker.

* As uncomfortable as I am right now...I'm still going to miss being pregnant after the baby is born. It's so entertaining to lay on the couch and feel the baby move.

* I am hoping to not have an epidural with this baby (had 3 epidurals and didn't have one with the last one...great experience!) BUT I still have the thought of it in the back of my mind if for some reason this baby decides to take awhile.

* I hope to make it to the hospital for the birth of this baby. I'm not kidding either. My dr is even concerned because we live 30 min from the hospital! Barely made it last time.

* I am predicting that my next blog post will have to do with the birth of baby beers #5. :)

There you have it. Those are the thoughts that just popped out of my brain and into my blog post. As you can see...most if not ALL of my thoughts revolve around my big belly and the baby inside.

The story of Gracie's Arrival

The Events leading up to Gracie's Arrival:

On Monday, June 22, 2009 I woke up like any other day. Didn't notice anything unusal. I was excited because I knew that by the end of this week, I should have Gracie in my arms. I really didn't think anything was going to happen until at least Thursday when I had my appointment at the hospital. So that morning I talked to Ryan on the phone. He was still in Memphis. Since his truck's transmission went out the day before, he was behind a day so instead of coming home that morning, he was coming home Tuesday morning. We kinda debated on that. Should he just come home later on that day after he seen his claims or just come home Tuesday morning. We both figured it would be best for him to come home tuesday since he would have to drive 5 hrs home AFTER working all morning seeing claims. He would be tired and I didn't want him driving being that tired. Plus, I was feeling just fine. So we both went on with our day. I went to walmart before lunch to get a few things. Then came home, made the kids lunch, then later on that afternoon sat outside and watched the kids play in the sprinkler. All this time, I was feeling great really. No contractions, nothing. At 4:35pm I got a contraction. At first it didn't phase me. I've had them for about 3 weeks now...but it sort of felt slightly different...BUT i figured it was my mind playing tricks on me. I made the kids their dinner. Jordan had t-ball practice that night so we had an early dinner. Then 20 minutes later, another contraction. It was DEFINETLY noticable. BUt again, didn't think a whole lot of it. I decided to write down the time. WOW..then 20 minutes later...on the dot...another one. Okay, seriously, 20 min apart...all were painful...hmmm...no way..this isn't it?!?! is it?? i convinced myself they weren't. Jordan's coach's wife picked him up for T-ball. I talked to her for a second. She asked about when I was due. I said that I was going in on Thursday. After they left I kept having more and more contractions. They were anywhere from 20 min apart to 7 min apart. I layed down for awhile...by this time I was getting nervous and had been on the phone a number of times with Ryan. We were still both convinced this wasn't the real thing. I mean, i've been having contractions for weeks now. Then I got up to get Mason some milk and "uh oh!". Okay, I think my water just broke! Not like a huge gush but it was definetly something...and I KNOW didn't pee in my pants. I got on the phone with Ryan right away and said "I think my water just broke!!". He just said, "Okay, I'm coming home NOW!!! and I'll call my mom!" that was the end of that conversation. There was definetly panic in his voice. I couldn't believe this was happening. Still, I thought the birth would at least wait 5 hrs for Ryan to get here. I mean, I had only been in REAL labor for a few hours, right?!?!?! So I start scrambling around. Luckily I had my bags already packed, but STILL I wasn't prepared. There was a huge load of laundry on the couch that still needed to be folded and put away, dinner still needed to be cleaned up...I just wasn't ready. I kept saying in my head, "THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING NOW...I'M SO NOT READY!" So, Ryan's mom got here and we were getting all ready to go. Oh and while this was happening Mason was SCREAMING....he had just woke up and for some reason had been only wanting me to hold him and he was screaming. Then Mya ran in her room and was crying because she was scared. It was quite the scene! As we were getting ready to head out the door, we realized "oh wait, Jordan isn't here!!!" DUH...he was gone to baseball practice. I then tried calling his coach but couldn't get a hold of them. He was going to be home pretty soon (by this time it was 8pm). We called Ryan's grandparents and had them come to the house to wait on Jordan and then bring him to the hosptial. So we left around 8:10pm for the hosptial. It's about 35 minutes from our house. When I left they were about 10 min apart but by the time we got out of Bella Vista (about 10 min from the hospital) they were down to 3 min apart. And i was in SERIOUS pain with each contraction. I knew this was going to happen very soon. (still in my mind though, I thought it could be stalled for at least 5 hours to hold off till Ryan got there).

Gracie's surprise and QUICK arrival:

By the time I got in the ER they were 2 min apart and SUPER painful. By this time it was after 8:30pm and I was in the hospital room with contractions 1 min apart and I was in EXCRUCIATING pain. I was dialated to 7cm when I first got in there. They were trying to ask me questions, having me sign papers, putting an IV in my arm, taking blood out of my other arm. It was completely chaotic. I was screaming in pain..the nurse was SO good though, she was trying to calm me down and having me breathe...something I had NEVER had to do in labor. I was induced with the other 3...had epirdurals and had plenty of time to prepare and actually was smiling while pushing. There were NO smiles on my face this time around. I kept asking for an epidural and she said, "I don't think you will have time." Then I said, You have to give me something. I was one that would ONLY get an epidural..never other pain meds yet this time I didn't care, i was desperate for some relief. But she said I was too close to delivery and it would make the baby sleepy and could slow her breathing. By this time I was dialated to 10cm. I hadn't even been in there 30 min and I went from a 7 to a 10. The nurse told me not to push until the dr got there. I asked if the dr was in the building and she said, "No, but she isn't far away". Then I said, Well, I don't think I can keep her in any longer. The nurse calmly said, "I've delivered babies before so I can do this, BUT i would much rather you wait until the dr gets here. With every contraction I did ALL i could not to push but this baby was coming out whether I pushed or not. I just remember saying "Okay, guys, I swear I'm NOT pushing but she's coming out!" Sure enough, out she came. Well, her head anyway and then that contraction was over. Now the nurse said very calmly, "okay, we HAVE to deliver the rest of this baby, NOW" so you HAVE to push. With one more push, she was out and laying on my chest. I couldn't believe she was here. It was SO fast. She was born at 9:38pm and I got into the hosptial room around 8:35pm. Then it hit me, Ryan wasn't there. I was SO sad. I wanted him to get that moment again. I know it's our 4th and we've been thru this all before but still each birth is so special and I was heartbroken that he wasn't there to experience it with me. I got on the phone with him just seconds after she was born and said, "I had her!" then he said, "What?!?!" I repeated myself and the sound in his voice is one I'll never forget. He sounded SO heartbroken that he wasn't there. I felt horrible. I kept apologizing for having her without him. Of course he told me I was being silly since it's nothing I could control. So anyways...I did it. I had her BY MYSELF, with NO pain relief (I still don't understand how people can go into this and say they don't want an epidural. I mean, it totally changes the mood in labor...I definetly enjoyed not feeling pain. I could actually think about what was happening instead of the pain but not this time. I'm just glad it only lasted as long as it did, any longer and I don't think I could have survived! ). After she was born, I cut the cord myself and they took her and weighed her. She was 9lbs 2oz and 21 inches long. She looked IDENTICAL to her Big sister Mya. I mean, identical. Same chubby cheeks, same mouth, everything! The Dr came in the room in time to deliver the placenta (I know, too much info....oh well, it's part of giving birth! ) She couldn't believe how fast I delivered her. After all that was done they gave me Gracie to me and left the room. It was the strangest moment. I was alone with my new daughter. The room was completely silent and just moments before there was so much hustle and bustle going on. It was just me and Gracie. I looked at her in amazement. But at the same time it was a blur to me as to how she arrived. I STILL couldn't believe that this just happened. I went into labor on my own, like I wanted (now i regret wanting that...being induced is MUCH more my style...lol) and my worst fear also happened, that Ryan would miss her birth. Everything that happened that night was just a blur to me. I called Ryan again and talked to him while I nursed Gracie. I kept crying because I was SO happy she was here but I was also SO sad that Ryan wasn't there with me. I still get a lump in my throat when I think about that.

The Events AFTER her birth:

Ryan's mom brought the kids in to meet their baby sister about 30 min after she was born. They were SO excited. Mya was just thrilled that her baby sissy was finally here. Mason knew right away that she was baby Gracie. Jordan couldn't wait to give her a kiss. The kids left the hosptial around 11pm. Once again I was all alone waiting on Ryan to get there. He got there at 12am. He has a story too. He got pulled over for speeding (this was within the first hour he was driving, it was actually as I was getting admitted to the hosptial). He told them that I was labor and they didn't believe him and made him sit in the police car. Then they called the hospital to verify that I was really there. Of course I was and they let him go with just a warning. But that 20 minutes of them pulling him over didn't make a difference as far as him making it in time. He was 5 hrs away. I still hadn't taken a picture of Gracie (and those of you that know me well, i'm all about capturing the moment...and couldn't believe I didn't have a picture of her just seconds after she was born). My first picture I took of Gracie was of Ryan holding her. That was such a precious moment to me. Watching him look at her. He was already so in love with her just seconds after seeing her for the first time. It was so sweet. So finally by 2am, Ryan decided to try to get some sleep. I just sat there awake ALL NIGHT LONG. I couldn't sleep. I just kept replaying all the events of her birth in my head. I was still in a haze as to that it really happened. Finally by 5am I got about an hour of sleep. Thanks to some pain killers they gave me for the cramping. I do have to say though, I felt SUPER great after delivery. Hardly any pain. And without the epidural I had no backache. Last time I did have a horrible backache from where they put the epirdural in. So that was nice but I still would have much rather had the epidural. By the next morning I was walking around and felt great really. Not like I just gave birth. Maybe it just gets easier the more kids you have, I don't know. We'll see how it is when I have my 12th child. KIDDING! LOL! No, we are done. Although, I look at Gracie and can't imagine her being my last one. She is just so precious and I can't imagine not having a newborn baby around again. Am I the only one that is ready to do it all over again within hours of giving birth?!?! I swear I think about this all the time after having one baby! But anwyays...SO that is my story of Gracie's birth. I can't believe she's 1 week and 2 days old already. She is SUCH a good baby. Hardly any crying. She sleeps pretty good. Of course she's up every few hours to eat but falls right back to sleep. She does like being wide awake at 4am though. Usually we are up for an hour or so. But it's okay, I love just staring at her. It's a very relaxing time for me, so I don't mind missing my sleep.

some more prego pics...

I was trying to get creative and take some pregnancy photos...but it was hard taking them of myself and trying to set up the camara and stuff.Then i tried some photoshop stuff on them. They did not turn out at all like i had pictured in my mind. But it was something to do to keep me occupied while I wait for this little one to arrive!

Another day of being pregnant

Last night was pretty stressful. From about 7:30pm till 11pm I was having contractions constantly...but again, some real painful, some no pain just really tight. There was no pattern and no consistacy to them. But I was having lots so it had me nervous. I really didn't want to go into labor last night. Ryan probably wouldn't have made it home if I did. Luckily though, I got a good nights sleep and now the contractions have subsided almost completely. Once again, it wasn't the real deal. Which right now I am glad because I want Ryan to be here for the birth. And if I went into full blown labor I am not too sure he can make it in 5 hrs before I would have her. I just need to hold off until Monday then he'll come home and I won't have to stress about him making it here. I've been taking it REAL easy today. Just trying to keep things calmed down. Seems that the more active I am, the more the contractions come. SO that is my update for right now.

Baby update

I had my dr appointment this morning. I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow! I am bascially dilatated to 3cm (she said she could stretch it to a 3 so it wasn't completely a 3 but pretty close--sorry if it's too much information but when you are pregnant this is just normal conversation!!). The baby has come down to a -1 station which is quite a bit down from last week so that was good. I'm making progress but still not enough to say i'm in actual labor. I do have an appointment at the hospital next thursday June 25th which is my actual due date. They are going to hook me up to the monitor to check my contractions and also do a Non-stress test on the baby. They may keep me and go ahead and induce me or they may just send me home depending on the results. So we'll see what goes on this week. Hopefully I just go into labor on my own..that would be fun to experience as long as it gives me plenty of warning and I can get to the hosptial on time AND Ryan is either back in town or can make it back in time. He left this afternoon for Tennessee again to work. He'll be back Saturday or Sunday. But of course I'll let him know the second my contractions get worse or intensify....So that is the scoop on this baby. She just doesn't want to make an appearance it seems like. Although, I don't blame her..it's pretty crazy and loud around here. She's probably nervous to come out into the chaotic life with her brothers and sister!

Ready to bust! 38 weeks!

Today is not "birth" day

So, I went to my Dr appointment today. I was definetly dialated to 2cm (last week I was ALMOST a 2) so I've made a tiny bit of progress. But with all the contractions I've been having you would think I would have made more progress than that! So now I have another long rest of the week to deal with these contractions and just being uncomfortable. But now I'm nervous and DON"T want to go into labor until late in the day on Saturday since Ryan will be out of town until then. I'm scared that if I DO go into real labor, he wouldn't make it back in time. So now i need to pray and hope that she holds off until this weekend at least. Hopefully I don't make it to my next dr appt which is next wednesday. It's going to be one long rest of the week though. I don't know what to do to keep my mind off of it. It's all I think about.

belly shots

This was last week at 16 1/2weeks

This was last night...17 weeks. I was wearing regular jeans...but yesterday was the 1st day I had

use a rubberband to button them. Guess it's time for maternity jeans!!! I'm almost half way there!! YIPPEEE!!!! I don't think I'm quite as big right now as I was when I was pregnant with Mason. I was DEFINETLY not wearing regular jeans at 1 7 weeks with Mason. But I"m sure this baby will grow big just like Jordan, Mya & Mason did!!!!! (if that is the case...this one just might be my 11pounder!!!)

Oh let the blogging begin....

The pregnancy blogging that is. This is my way of venting...expressing all my feelings, my aches and pains, my emotions. So are you all ready to embark on this crazy thing called pregnancy with me? Here are my exact thoughts right now related to pregnancy.

Why does God have it that most pregnant women get sick at the beginning of pregnancy? I just can't grasp that. To me it would make sense for a pregnant woman to feel well so she can eat the most nutrious foods and take care of herself. Instead of having to only eat what she can keep down which isn't always the most healthiest of foods (like my pototo chips and mcd's french fries). I love fresh fruit. LOVE IT...but when I'm pregnant I have a hard time eating it at the beginning. I love veggies as well...but once again..those just don't sound good. Except baked potatoes. I think my baked potatoe count is up to 12 that I've eaten so far. I just don't understand this concept. When I go to heaven...this is definetly one of the 1st things I'm going to ask God.

Another thought is why does pregnancy have be for 9 months? I would be perfectly happy with about 3 months, even 6 months BUT 9 months? Does anyone realize how long that really is? That is almost a year!!!! But what is so strange is after you have a baby, the baby's 1st 9 months seem to FLY by. I can't believe Mason is already 11 months old...that sure flew by and I hardly remember being pregnant with him.

So anyways..this just starts the first of my MANY ramblings about pregnancy and how I'm feeling. I promise you they will get more positive and happy once I get over this horrid morning "oh I'm sorry...who ever named it that had NO clue" sickness...it's ALL DAY sickness for me...

And don't get me wrong...I'm THRILLED to be pregnant again. I am in awe at this marvelous, precious miracle growing inside me. When I think of that...it amazes me!