Weaning = tears

I was SO excited and thrilled that I made it to a major milestone of breastfeeding Gracie thru her 1st birthday. Her 1st birthday has come and gone. She is now 14 months old! Now that she's started on whole milk she doesn't really nurse much except before bed, every time she wakes up at night which means she is nursing basically all night long (that is another whole subject), and then early in the morning before we get out of bed. She doesn't take a pacifier so I think part of her still nursing is because it's what calms her down or "pacifys" her. I don't mind. I am not in any rush to stop EXCEPT the fact that she still feels she needs to nurse at night every time she wakes up. She refuses to go back to sleep without nursing. It only take a few minutes then she drifts off to sleep BUT if I try to move her to her bed or move her at all she starts vigourously sucking or starts screaming. So either I let her scream and wake up the whole house or I lay there and nurse her where we all can just sleep. I vote for the latter. Sleep is not something I get lots of so the sleep I do get is precious. I also don't mind the bonding I have with my baby daughter. I do have to admit that when she does not wake up that much at night or sleeps in her own bed longer than normal I do miss her when I wake up. For information on our sleeping arrangment you can read this previous blog post. Click here I'm not really sure how or when to start the weaning process. It's not a real big issue EXCEPT I'd like to start having her sleep thru the night. I'm SO happy to have made it this far. I never imagined I've have issues on how to stop breastfeeding. It wasn't a big deal to stop the feedings during the day and replace those with bottles and sippy cups of whole milk. But it's just the night time nursing sessions that bring her to tears if I don't give in. Those tears are tears of her not understanding why I won't nurse her. It breaks my heart to hear her cries SO we are continuing our nighttime and early morning nursing sessions. I'm not saying I have to stop instantly, cold turkey...i'm just wondering when and how we will stop. I just can't see this taking place without tears. I'm guessing the tears will come from both of us! I don't think I will be able to handle seeing her cry because I won't nurse her.

Breastfeeding: Take 4

It has taken me 4 tries at breastfeeding to make it to my goal of breastfeeding my baby for at least the first year. Well, I haven't made it to that one year goal with Gracie just yet but on the 22nd it will be 11 months and I definetly don't forsee any weaning taking place in the next month. So I'm super happy to see my goal being met soon! It's what I set out to do since I was pregnant with my first baby 7 years ago. I knew from the time I found out I was pregnant that I would breastfeed. I never considered NOT doing it. When Jordan was born we started out GREAT! No problems at all with nursing. But due to me working outside the home we only made it about 4-5 months. When I had Mya once again nursing was going great. This time we made it to about 7 months. Both of them were given supplemental bottles of formula throughout the day (that was probably the main reason for stopping so soon--I didn't pump so my milk supply slowly dried up). Then came Mason. I breastfed him for a full 9 months. He only had a few bottles of formula now and then. I worked hard at pumping milk for when he needed bottles. I thought FOR SURE we would continue for the first year UNTIL I got a real bad kidney infection and had to be put on strong antibiotics so I couldn't nurse for 5 days. I had to pump and dump. How horrible to see all that milk being dumped down the drain. And how horrible it was to see Mason want to nurse so badly and not understanding why I was handing him this plastic bottle instead. I cried many tears because of that! Right before bed was the worst. He seemed SO sad to be missing out on those nursing sessions. By the time it was time to nurse him again he had almost weaned himself. I continued to breastfeed him for about another month but it didn't go very well. So now I'm on my 4th try at it. It has been going GREAT! Forget the supplemental bottles of formula, forget pumping (I mean, really, WHO has time to pump??..I sure don't!) I just feed Gracie when she needs to be fed. No messing around with pumping. Usually that involves me feeding her while walking around the house doing other things but hey, she's happy! As long as she has boobie she's a happy girl! Since I don't pump I have had to buy a can of formula for when we are in the car. She SCREAMS when we go anywhere. So I put the formula in a bottle and it helps keep her content while we drive somewhere. BUT other than that no formula.

I keep trying to think of why this time around it was so successful. All of them started out the same so why is it lasting so long this time? I came to the conclusion that it's because now I feel more comfortable and confident with it. The first two, I would leave the room to nurse the baby (even in my own home). I just didn't feel comfortable when other's were around (besides Ryan of course). Even with a blanket over I was afraid the blanket would slip off or something. When I think about it now, how foolish of me. With Mason I was a little more comfortable but I still wouldn't do it in public. I guess I was afraid someone would make a negative comment?? Again..foolish. But with Gracie I bought a nursing cover and with that I have nursed her everywhere! I feel comfortable because I don't have to feel like I might accidentally expose myself in a way I would not want to. Now of course at home I don't use that. Just in public. So, I guess since I have felt more comfortable I didn't have anything holding me back from doing what I wanted to do for my baby. Now I'm thinking that this time my issue might be with weaning. I've never "had" to wean really. It just kinda happened slowly on it's own. Gracie sure LOVES to nurse! Especially at night. She would all night long if I would let her. She seems to think I'm an "open all night" milk bar! Either that or she is using me as a human pacifier. (she's my only child that refused to take a pacifier--to this day she won't take it!) So we'll see how that goes when that time comes to wean. I'm not sure when that will take place. I'm just SO happy to have almost made it a solid year of breastfeeding!

Now on a side note. I do think breastfeeding is a great thing and EVERY mother should at least give it a try. BUT I don't hold anything against you for formula feeding your baby. I know each person's situation is different and everyone has their reasons for not being able to breastfeed. I do not judge you. I trust you have done what is best for your baby and your situation.