Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Potty training is for the birds....

I don't even know what to do anymore. It's like every day I wake up and think "okay, TODAY is the day Mya will be potty trained". And then at the end of the day. Still in diapers and we made no progress whatsoever.

It's like I'm embarassed that she will be 4 next month and I'm still changing her diaper. She was wearing pull ups...but those at too expensive to wear when you know she's just going to wet in them. I was willing to pay the extra to have her wear them to make it easier to go potty, but to her..they were just diapers she could put on herself.

Her whole potty training experience started when she was about 1 1/2. She decided she wanted to use the big potty. I was shocked because she was so young..but they say they will let you know when they are ready. I was all excited. She went a few times. But then she was totally not into it anymore. So we stopped. No biggie. Afterall she was only 1 1/2. Then around 2 1/2 we bought her underwear and started the whole potty training process. She wasn't into it at all. She wore the underwear but wouldn't go for nothing. She held it all day long. No accidents which was good but she never went on the potty either. She waited until bedtime when she got her diaper back on. Since this was obviously not going anywhere...and I was about to have Mason. We stopped with the potty training. I thought she obviously wasn't ready.

Out of no where this past November she decided she was going to be potty trained. The whole week of Thanksgiving she wore underwear and went on the potty. I was SO excited. She did tell me however, that I wasn't allowed to be excited for her because going potty was no big deal. She would get upset if anyone made comments praising her. Then like the flip of a light switch she was back refusing to wear underwear and use the potty. I'm not just saying she acted scared or said no, she would have full blown fits that would last hours (no joke!) And now that is STILL where we are at if we even mention her wearing underwear or using the potty. It's SO stressful. I have asked her what the best thing ever would be that she wants. She wants a cupcake maker. I told her that if she would just put these underwear on, we would head to walmart right then and buy her that cupcake maker. I just suggested she put the underwear on...not even for a week or anything..just put them on at that moment. Then she said, "well, then i don't want a cupcake maker". I don't need it that bad if if means i have to potty train. So she obviously has a complete understanding of what is going on. One day she was talking that she might want to get her ears pierced. I said as soon as she is potty trained I would take her. Then she said, "okay, never mind..i'll just wait until I'm a grown up to get my ears pierced". She wanted to go to Pre-K next year. I told her I couldn't sign her up if she wasn't potty trained. THen she said, "that is fine, i just won't go...i don't care about it that much". This goes on for EVERYTHING she says she wants. She asks for candy...and i say, "go try to go potty first, then you can have a piece". Her response, "nevermind, i don't want any". A few weeks ago we had some issues with her diapers coming undone. She was at Jordan's baseball practice with Ryan and she was playing with her friend there and her diaper came undone and fell off. She was embarassed. She had a talk with Daddy and said the next week she would get rid of diapers since she was too big for them. That next Monday came...and the 1st thing she said to me in the morning was "I know i said i would potty train this week, but i changed my mind. I don't care if my diapers don't stay on". I didn't even remember at that moment that she was starting that day, SHE remembered though. So she definetly is "smart" enough to use the potty. It's that she doesn't want to.

I have looked at many books and read many articles online. It's like I laugh at their suggestions. they sound SO simple. But they've all been tried with Mya and they just don't work. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault. But I have tried everything. I don't know what to do. this has been the hardest parenting thing I've ever dealt with. I laugh at those that say girls are easier to potty train. Jordan was difficult but still 100 times easier. At least he would put the underwear on at least try to use the potty. I can't even get that out of her. In a month an a half, I'm going to have 3 kids in diapers. I don't know what to do. I did talk to the dr about 3 months ago about her issues. He said then that if she wasn't trained within the next month not to do anything till after the baby is born because it would be too much on her. But that makes her OVER 4 yrs old. I mean, who has a 4 yr old girl still in diapers? Not that I care what everyone else is doing, but it's just like what is wrong with me that she isn't potty trained yet. She is such a smart, beautiful girl. I don't get why this is so hard for her. I just think of how hard this is right now to deal with, I can't imagine what it's going to be like in a couple of months once I have the baby. I'm going to be so much more busy. How am I going to deal with this then? I'm will to take suggestions. I'm to the point where I don't even know what else to try. I pray and pray that she will come around.


Marti Jo said...

I have never potty trained a child but I can totally understand your frustration. Just remember it is NOT your fault. You are trying and that's way more than a lot of parents do! I wish had some advice for you but I really don't. Just hang in there and be persistence and she'll come around.
THis is a shot in the dark and won't help potty train her, but maybe she subconsciously is having some insecurities with Mason being the baby and another one on the way, like she's trying to still be a baby.
I dont know. :o( I'll say a prayer that she gives in soon!

Anonymous said...

Shawna, Denise Slater sent this link to me because I think I know exactly what you are going through. I have two daughters, and both of them were almost 4 before they were potty trained. I tried like you did with my first daughter. I started when she was "ready" at about 18 months. Then, when she was done as far as I could see, we had our second daughter. Seriously, it took over two years after that. She even wore a pull up on long car trips after her fourth birthday.

After that disastrous and truly painful two years, I decided not to potty train my younger daughter. Sure, there were times that I decided to address the issue, but I never pushed it more than one day after her interest waned. If it helps, I can give you my advice:

1st - there is no bribe big enough to hold the interest of a pre-schooler.
2nd - she will not go to college in a pull up.
3rd - you are a great mom no matter how you feel about your daughter's potty performance. There is no need to feel pressure or embarassment.
4th - I truly feel that all of the hoops that we're told to jump through to potty train our children only train us.
5th - There are some battles that are not worth the fight. This is the first social behavior that is required of your daughter and she is the only one who has total control of that situation. She will enjoy the power when she wants it.

Meagan was less than a month away from her fourth birthday when she decided that she would rather have panties than pull ups. Even after that, there were accidents in preschool. I will pray for you. This is hard for a mom and I truly understand that.

Melanie Owens