I am not cut out for this!

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

So many people have made the comment to me "I don't know how you do it! I could never homeschool!" I promise you I do not have some magical power that enables me to take on this difficult task. Nor do I have a special gifting for homeschooling. I don't have a ton of patience either. That is something I'm learning each and every day. Most days I feel at some point or another that I failed at something. I say "I am so not cut out for this!" Some days I feel so unadequate. I feel uncertain how to juggle a 3rd grader who struggles with staying on task, while trying to work extra with a 1st grader learning to read, an eager to learn preschooler, a very active toddler and adding a new baby to the mix soon. I really wonder, "Do I really have what it takes?"

But you know, that is where God wants me to be. What role would God have in my life if I felt I could do everything without Him? I must find my strength and energy and confidence in the Lord.

Sometimes its seems so simple to give up. But when I feel that way I need to turn to God and let HIS power give me the strength. It's only by God's grace that I can do what I do. So I am not anymore capable of doing what I do than the people who say they could never homeschool.

So if you think that you could NEVER homeschool know that with Gods help you can. If it's something you desire in your heart go for it! Or if you are homeschooling and feel inadequate know it's okay because you are inadequate but that is where God comes in and makes you adequate to complete the task.

This is something I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself of. Some days go so well, and then there are very hard days that follow. I have to remember that God is with me and will help me through those times. I need to let Him work thru me. It's only because of HIM that I can do what I do. So it's true...I am SO not cut out for this. But thankfully God's grace is sufficient for me.

M.O.M - Mom of Many

I'm in the process of giving my blog a facelift. It also includes a new blog title. "Pieces of Me" just wasn't quite doing it for me. So I have come up with a new title. "Thoughts from a M.O.M"

Am I REALLY a "Mom of Many" now? When I think about it...I would answer "No". I mean...I'm ONLY on baby #5. Is that really a lot? I guess by societys standards today that is a crazy amount of kids. To me, well, it's just my life (which I LOVE by the way). I was thinking about this the other day when I heard what sounded like a herd of elephants running thru the house. It seriously sounded like I had 20 kids running...but nope..only my 4 kiddos...which is just 8 feet running around. Then I got to thinking about when #5 is running around. That IS many children...so I suppose I can say I am a "M.O.M -- Mom of Many!".

Then I was thinking about all the things that go on in one day at our home with so many little ones running around. I'm sure I have a crazy experience I could share on a daily basis. No day around here is ordinary...well, I suppose it's OUR ordinary day but perhaps not the typical day others would find ordinary. I mean, seriously when do you have one child break a snow globe and have another child fall on the glass and cut up their foot and then while going to get the broom to clean up the glass hear a big CRASH and realize your christmas tree was just knocked down by the 4 yr old hiding behind it. Then when you go and try to put the tree up it falls down the other direction. And by this time 4 children are crying and saying Christmas is ruined and the 4 yr old that knocked it over is hanging his head and wandering around the house singing "we wish you a merry christmas" in a sad, sad tone. I can't make this stuff up people...THIS is my reality. This type of stuff happens on a daily basis.

So I have done much thinking with this blog. It was getting boring to me. It wasn't heading in the direction i wanted it to. It started out as a place for me to update my friends and family. Then I wanted to share new things I was learning and trying out. And other times I wanted to just share my thoughts whether deep ones or just silly ones. Most of them have to do with being a mother. So I found that a new title was needed for this blog so that is where "Thoughts from a M.O.M" came from.

So there you have it.

Slap in the Face

Today was just one of those days. I can't pinpoint any specific problem. I just had a bad attitude I guess and well, in my opinion everything was going wrong. I had lots on my to-do list that needed done but I found myself going in circles and getting nothing done. Just when I would start..another mess that just had to get cleaned up at that moment would happen. It seemed never ending.

I broke out in tears while emptying the dishwasher. I just felt overwhelmed. My house was a wreck and I just couldn't seem to get ahead on anything.

THEN I saw it. It being my notecard that I had lamanated that was taped up by my sink. (click here to read a post about it) It read "feeling overwhelmed? too much to do but not enough time? Take 5 minutes and refresh in God's word.". I even have a Bible by my kitchen sink for those times that I want to look at it but heading to my room would be too much.

SO I grabbed that Bible and started reading. Skimming actually...thinking I was going to find some verse that would just POP out at me giving me the comfort and strength I needed at the moment. I kept reading...NOTHING that seemed to pertain to what I was feeling. THEN..I flipped a few more pages...started to skim and out of nowhere a verse popped out. Not the verse I had hoped for. Instead of something comforting and strengthing...it was like a SLAP in the face. The verse was this:

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. Phillippians 2:14-16

SHOOT...so it's ME that is the problem. I know I complained many times today...Yup..that verse was DEFINETLY for me. The scripture didn't exclude complaining about housework or dealing with misbehaving children. It DID indeed say EVERYTHING. Yup, I need to do EVERYTHING without complaining. I should NOT be complaining about what needs to be done. I am definetly not blameless or pure at the moment. So then I had to bow my head and first ask for forgiveness, then thank God for speaking to me thru his word and THEN with a new outlook on my tasks at hand get back to work. :)

Okay, now back to my work with a smile on my face and a happy heart. :) I had to take a few minutes to type this blog post. I was just going to type it and save it for later but decided it was okay to go ahead and publish right away. So sorry if there are typos. :)

Goal #1

Goal #1---To become a "better" Mommy
As I stated in my last post (click HERE to read) I have made MANY goals for this new year. Not just for this year but for my lifetime. YES, I did say lifetime. I do NOT want to achieve these goals then quit. My goals have to do with my life and not just something I change then revert back to how I was or what I was doing. At least that is the plan. I'm not saying I'll be perfect and NEVER go back. But if I do..then something needs to change and I need to re-set my goals.

I talked about 7 different areas of achievement in my last post. Financial, Physical, personal development, family, spiritual, social and career. The goal I worked on setting today (I'm just TOO busy with the kids to sit down and write out ALL my goals in one day--so I'm going to take this whole week to get my goals set) is in the area of family. I stated at the end of my last post that I wanted to be a "better" wife and mother. What exactly is better? I don't suppose you ever get to the point of being the "best". Who is the BEST mother out there? I believe everyone would have a different opinion. For me, I just want to become the BEST that I can be. I know I can be better. I know I have MANY things I need to work on. I'm not saying I'm horrible but I know I can ALWAYS do better in certain areas. I have done some research in my Bible and in a devotional book I have called "One Hundred and One Devotions for Homeschool Moms". It has great little nuggets that has helped me through each day. They all pertain to motherhood whether homeschooling or not.

Today I wrote out five notecards of things I want to work on and KNOW I need a constant reminder of. I decided to put them on notecards so I could put them up somewhere where I would see them on a daily basis. It wouldn't help me to take notes on things I wanted to change but then have that notebook shoved away somewhere where I would forget to look at it. I am going to keep them on the fridge so I can see them daily (many times a day..as I seem to spend most of my day in the kitchen especially since we do school at the kitchen table) and have a CONSTANT visual reminder of what I'm working on. I also put Bible verses on the back of the cards that go along with what I'm working so I have some biblical encouragement as well.

Here are the five things I'm going to DILIGENTLY work on. I'm going to word them JUST as I have them on the notecards--then explain them further. Here goes.

1. GENTLE TONE
--My words MUST be KIND!!!
--It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

This is one I feel I need MAJOR help with. I don't mean to say things in a not so nice way...but I know there are times (too many times in my opinion) I don't use a "gentle tone". I let daily frustrations or circumstances dictate how I talk to my kids at times. I need to talk to them just as I would a friend or even a stranger for that matter. I need to always speak kind and speak "gentle". I'm not saying I say "mean" things to my kids. I'm just saying that I don't answer them kindly all the time. Example: My child: Mommy, come here for a second. Me: HOLD ON! My child (a second later) Mommy, come here! Me:I SAID HOLD ON!! My child (a few seconds later): Mommy, are you coming?? Me: I told you to HOLD ON!!!!! I'm not saying I"m screaming as in YELLING VIOLENTLY at them or anything. But I am sure there is frustration in my voice. I am just not speaking kindly. You get my drift right? I could say the EXACT same thing, but say it in a sweet, gentle tone. And throw in a little patience in there for myself as well(by knowing..that in the mind of kids..that few seconds of waiting is an ETERNITY!). I don't mean to candy coat it into something fake either. I just mean talk to them how i would answer say the cashier at the store or a friend. And this goes not only for how I speak to my kids but ALSO my husband. It doesn't matter what took place during the day or how I'm feeling. I shouldn't talk to him without using kind words or tone either. Sure, I'm with these people day in and day out which is ALL the more reason to speak gentle to them. I love them more than ANYTHING...my words and tone should reflect the feelings in my heart for them. Not the feelings I have towards the pile of dishes in my sink.

2. MEEK and QUIET SPIRIT
--Meek=mild, not easily irritated.
--Quiet=still, peaceful, calm, not troubled.
--when irritated remain calm and keep your mouth SHUT!

"blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth" Matthew 5:5

There are SO many times that I just speak out of frustration rather than bite my tongue. Not even at anyone in particular just at myself! But still, I'm not having a meek and quiet spirit by doing that. What is that showing my kids? I respond to circumstances. If things are going GREAT then I act on that but if things aren't going so hot I react on that too, unfortunatly in a negative way at times. Trying to keep my mouth shut at times is hard and when I do actually do that I still have those negative feelings inside. So I didn't "act" on them, yet I still feel them. Isn't that ALMOST as bad? Wouldn't that make me be a meek and quiet person on the OUTSIDE but definetly not have that type of spirit? A true meek and quiet spirit stays calm on the INSIDE as well as OUTSIDE. Something I am making it my goal to work on. I need to not only bite my tongue but also pray and ask God to change my spirit into one that is meek and quiet. As it states in this scripture verse:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

3. LAUGH
--Laugh Together Often

"a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance" Ecclesiastes 3:4

This is something we do...but I want to do it more. There are times that I laugh with my kids, but I laugh on the inside so I want to make it a point to laugh with them. It will lighten up the load when we can just have fun and laugh. This is a simple thing and a fun thing. I didn't want all my things I wanted to change to be difficult. I needed something light like this.

4. KEEP YOUR WORD
--Don't make promises you can't keep.
--Follow through on what you said you would do.

"But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him." 1 John 2:5 KJV

Many times right before bed I've had my kids say to me "Mommy, you said we were going to (fill in the blank) today". Yes, I did indeed say we were going to do something. And when I said it, I had every intention to do it. But as the day went on and got busy I forgot and then was reminded of it right at bedtime when there was not time to do whatever it was. My heart would sink. I let my kids down, again. I want them to know they can count on me for stuff. I don't want them to think I make empty promises. When I say we are going to do something, we are going to do it! It's better to not say anything and then at the last minute tell them we are going to do something than it is is say something and then not do it. I do realize that sometimes things come up and we can't do what was planned but I don't want my kids to see that as something that ALWAYS happens. Our kids may not remember down the road that one thing we said we would do and didn't do but they WILL remember that we did NOT keep our word. Our dependability is questionable. I do not want my kids to think I'm not dependable.

My last notecard is COVERED with writing. I didn't know how to write it in a few words...so i wrote all that I could fit on it. Here is what it says:

5. Are you PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED? Are you MENTALLY DRAINED? Is ther MORE TO BE DONE than there is TIME TO GET IT DONE?
--Let the BIBLE be your source of STRENGTH.
--Take 5 MINUTES to refresh with God's word!!!!

"For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

Sometimes I get SO stressed out and overwhelmed when I think of everything I have to get done. Nothing is going right. I just can't possibly keep up. I don't know where to begin. I walk in circles trying to be productive when in fact I'm getting NOTHING done. I mutter prayers to God. I ask for help, I ask for strength. But I forget to read my instruction manual in those stressful times. The answers are in God's word if I would just take a few minutes to refresh and read. I decided I need a constant reminder of that so I wanted this on a notecard to remind me of that.

So there you have it. The first of my MANY goals is set into action. I may add to those note cards as I find more places I need/want to change.

Children are a blessing....

Yesterday I went to Walgreens. As I was checking out I was holding Gracie (she was done wanting to be in the cart and since she can climb out of pretty much any buckle, I was holding her to keep her from falling out of the cart while I was checking out.) Mason was in the back of the cart so I could keep a close eye on him while I was checking out. While I was paying, the cashier was talking to Mason. I made the comment about how he was in his "running around" mood so I placed him in the back of the cart so he wouldn't run off. She then said to him "next time you should stay home with Daddy so Mommy can shop". Then I made the comment "oh, I have one at home already with Daddy". Then she said, "you have four kids?" I said, "yes, I do!" I said it with a smile on my face. I was proud of my 4 kids, I feel completely blessed by my four kids, so I'm sure the way I answered showed that. At least I hoped it did. But then the cashier said the most jaw dropping comment to me. She said, "oh, you poor thing!". I didn't say ANYTHING....my jaw hit the ground I'm sure. Did I hear her right? Yes, I DID hear her right. And the way she said it, she said it with such sympathy. Like someone who just said they were beat up or hurting really bad, not like someone who was blessed with children. I didn't even have a comment to make to her statement. At that moment that is. Now if she were say that to me again, I would have PLENTY to say to her about how much of a blessing my kids are to me. but at that moment she left me speechless. As I was walking away she then shouted out "you are done right? no more kids right?" I just nodded. It wasn't a nod to yes or a nod to no. Just a nod to acknowledge she spoke to me. Then she said, "I hope not, for your sake!" She said all this with a smile and kinda almost laughing. If she was saying this to be funny, I wasn't AT ALL amused. I'm sure she MENT what she said. This is OBVIOUSLY how she felt because why would she say it if you didn't think so?

After I left I felt SO angry towards that woman. How dare she make it out that my kids are a nuisense to me? How dare she act like I would be better off with less kids than what I ALREADY have? I was then so hurt feeling. Do people really view children this way? I have FOUR and each and every one of them are the most precious blessing I could EVER have received. Does that mean they are perfect? NO. Does that mean we don't ever have difficult times? NO. Does that mean I don't ever want to pull my hair out? NO. But those difficult times aren't a reason for me to ever wish I didn't have one of my children. God gave me them. They are a GIFT from HIM. A blessing. I don't understand how ANYONE can view them as anything but that.

I've been told comments by strangers before such as "wow, you have your hands full". That comment isn't QUITE as bad. I have to agree...my hands are full most of the time. But so is my heart. It's full of love for my children. God doensn't give us more than we can handle. Sure, with my own ablity I probably can't "handle" all four kids BUT that is why I rely on God--to help me and to enable me to do what I need to do. I've also been told by others "I hope you don't have any more kids". Seriously? How does that affect them? It hurts more than anything. Especially because we have been told that before we have had the four we already have. So it's like saying they hoped we didn't have our last two children. That BREAKS my heart. They are SUCH a blessing to me and couldn't imagine not having them a part of our lives. As far as the future and more children. Only God truly knows that answer. I'm completely content with our four but if God chooses to bless us again I will be thrilled and if he doesn't I already consider us fully blessed!

I don't want you to think that I think I'm a perfect parent. By no means am I saying that. I am DAILY on my knees asking God to help me with parenting issues. Either asking for forgiveness because I didn't have the patience I should have had or raised my voice when I shouldn't have or I'm asking for his guidence to guide us through raising our kids. I can't do this without God's help.

So maybe those people who make comments like that don't REALLY know what it's like to do this parenting thing with God on their side? Maybe they are doing this truly "on their own". I suppose then kids would be viewed more as a burden rather than a blessing. Maybe when I hear comments like that I need to let them know that with God all things are possible and without HIS help I couldn't do this either. Without God's help (or my husband's help) I would truly be "a poor thing" as that woman at Walgreens said. Maybe that is what this has taught me.


Children are a gift from the Lord;they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

A beautiful Mother's Day

I spent a few hours out on the back deck just watching the kids play. It was SO fun to watch my precious kiddos. I love them so much and feel privileged that God gave me those four precious babies. I can't imagine life without them.

4 reasons I love being a Mom

A tribute to my Mother

The past few phone conversations I've had with my Mom have been really good. We've just talked a lot about being a "mom". It really got me thinking about how my own Mother has influenced my life as a mother. Something my mom did that has always stuck with me was that she always told us how much she loved us. Every day, many times a day. I never doubted how much my mom loved me. I truly love my kids more than anything and I am always making sure I tell them so they know. I want them to know just how much I love them just like I knew how much my mom loved (and still does of course!) me! Another attribute my mom had was that she was always adventurous with us. Whether it was driving Up North to walk up Thunder Mountain or going to Door County on the beach. We were always going somewhere or doing something adventurous She also helped us build forts in the woods and even a real tee-pee in our backyard! She always seemed to enjoy going on all these adventures with us. Now I'm not QUITE as adventurous with my kids as she was with us (I prefer being more crafty rather than trampling thru the woods--lol)but I understand how she felt enjoyment in that. When I think about what I want to do for fun it always involves something for my kids (making a craft, going to a playground, taking a walk on a nature trail, going to the zoo). I truly find enjoyment in watching my kids have fun. So now I understand how my mom felt when she did those fun things with us. There are many small things I find myself doing and think "that is JUST like Mom!". One of those things is taking pictures of my kids. I don't think a day goes by that I don't snap a few pictures. Thank goodness for the digital age or else I would need a whole room just to store all those printed off pictures! I would have millions! So does my mom. She has a whole closet full of pictures--mostly of us kids. So when I grab my camera to get a shot I often think "that is just like mom!". Another thing I have recently noticed that I do is point out God's beautiful creation. My mom was always fascinated with nature. She would take pictures (see she was ALWAYS taking pictures) of flowers and leaves all the time. She would collect leaves and they would be all over our house. She would also point out beautiful trees and flowers all the time. I now find myself doing that every time we drive somewhere. You can also find little vases of wild flowers (some are actually weeds-lol) around my house. I think of my mom every time I see something beautiful in nature. Something else that my mom did that has always stuck with me was when she would pray with us before we left for school. From Kindergarten thru my very last day of High school every morning before we left for school she would hold my hands and pray with me for the day. EVERY DAY with out fail. That had such a big impact on my life that you had better believe that I did that with Jordan when he started Kindergarten. So there you have it. Just a few of the special ways my very own Mother has impacted my life as a Mother. She is one very special lady in my life. Without her I would not be who I am today. I know I don't get to see her as often as I would like but I want her to know that I think about her daily and love her with all my heart. Happy Mother's Day Mom!

After three...

Yesterday my husband reminded me of something that was said to us almost 7 years ago. We had just moved to Stephenville, TX and I was pregnant with our first baby. We went into the local bank to open a checking account and the lady that worked there was telling us that she had 4 kids. I remember Ryan and I saying, "wow, four that is alot!". She told us this: "After you have 3 it doesn't get any harder with a 4th! It doesn't seem any different". I do have to say that I agree with her. Once you adjust to having 2 or 3 adding more doesn't make anything seem more difficult! I wish I could go and visit that lady today and tell her that we learned first hand what she was talking about. She would probably be shocked to know we now have 4 children as well!

Typical Monday I suppose

I always hear of people dreading Mondays. Mondays aren't really a bad day for me. Basically the same as any other day for a stay at home mom. Well, today I believe I experienced a "Typical Monday" to the outside world. The type of Monday people dread. Where everything goes wrong, where you are SO tired from the weekend. So today was a typical Monday, I suppose.

My Monday started in the wee hours of the morning. Little Gracie Ann decided to make a stinky diaper at 1:30am. So I had no choice but to change her. Of course she didn't stay asleep during that change. She woke up. WIDE AWAKE! But I figured she'd fall back asleep once we layed down in bed (yes, she usually sleeps with me after I go to bed). NOPE! She was bright eyed. She was making all kinds of sounds. Even laughing. I tried nursing her which worked for about 5 minutes. Again she was trying to stand up holding the headboard of the bed. When she was laying down she was flapping her arms and legs in excitement! She never cried (until i tried laying her in her bed). She was just wide awake. I would have let her cry...except..I would have rather had her happily awake than have the other 3 wake up from her screaming. I looked at my clock...it was after 2am...then after 3am...yup..i was up with her until 3:15am! Then Mya crawled into my bed. By 6:30am I had Gracie, Mya & Mason all in my bed. Jordan was at the foot of my bed at 7:50am. We all then slept till 9am. School is suppose to start at 9:30am (well, that is what time i'd like it to start).

10am...we finally got around to starting school. Only to have Mason be totally uncorporative. He was climbing all over the table, Gracie was crying, Mya was getting impatient waiting for me to explain her lesson. Jordan did NOT feel like doing school. (at least not with all those distractions). We got thru a few lessons. Then it was lunch time. Mason was again climbing on everything. He was extra fussy today due to a cold. I had the worst headache because I was so tired from lack of sleep. Right after lunch the kids were not getting along AT ALL. The words "typical Monday" kept going thru my mind. I just took some deep breaths...and continued trucking thru my day. I can't even remember all the mishaps..nothing big..but it seemed like every little thing was going wrong. Mason wouldn't take a nap but that turned out to be a very good thing. He went to sleep by 8pm with no issues. By 9pm...my typical monday came to a close. Wonder what a Typical Tuesday is like? Hopefully it goes a little smoother than a typical Monday.

Potty training is for the birds....

I don't even know what to do anymore. It's like every day I wake up and think "okay, TODAY is the day Mya will be potty trained". And then at the end of the day. Still in diapers and we made no progress whatsoever.

It's like I'm embarassed that she will be 4 next month and I'm still changing her diaper. She was wearing pull ups...but those at too expensive to wear when you know she's just going to wet in them. I was willing to pay the extra to have her wear them to make it easier to go potty, but to her..they were just diapers she could put on herself.

Her whole potty training experience started when she was about 1 1/2. She decided she wanted to use the big potty. I was shocked because she was so young..but they say they will let you know when they are ready. I was all excited. She went a few times. But then she was totally not into it anymore. So we stopped. No biggie. Afterall she was only 1 1/2. Then around 2 1/2 we bought her underwear and started the whole potty training process. She wasn't into it at all. She wore the underwear but wouldn't go for nothing. She held it all day long. No accidents which was good but she never went on the potty either. She waited until bedtime when she got her diaper back on. Since this was obviously not going anywhere...and I was about to have Mason. We stopped with the potty training. I thought she obviously wasn't ready.

Out of no where this past November she decided she was going to be potty trained. The whole week of Thanksgiving she wore underwear and went on the potty. I was SO excited. She did tell me however, that I wasn't allowed to be excited for her because going potty was no big deal. She would get upset if anyone made comments praising her. Then like the flip of a light switch she was back refusing to wear underwear and use the potty. I'm not just saying she acted scared or said no, she would have full blown fits that would last hours (no joke!) And now that is STILL where we are at if we even mention her wearing underwear or using the potty. It's SO stressful. I have asked her what the best thing ever would be that she wants. She wants a cupcake maker. I told her that if she would just put these underwear on, we would head to walmart right then and buy her that cupcake maker. I just suggested she put the underwear on...not even for a week or anything..just put them on at that moment. Then she said, "well, then i don't want a cupcake maker". I don't need it that bad if if means i have to potty train. So she obviously has a complete understanding of what is going on. One day she was talking that she might want to get her ears pierced. I said as soon as she is potty trained I would take her. Then she said, "okay, never mind..i'll just wait until I'm a grown up to get my ears pierced". She wanted to go to Pre-K next year. I told her I couldn't sign her up if she wasn't potty trained. THen she said, "that is fine, i just won't go...i don't care about it that much". This goes on for EVERYTHING she says she wants. She asks for candy...and i say, "go try to go potty first, then you can have a piece". Her response, "nevermind, i don't want any". A few weeks ago we had some issues with her diapers coming undone. She was at Jordan's baseball practice with Ryan and she was playing with her friend there and her diaper came undone and fell off. She was embarassed. She had a talk with Daddy and said the next week she would get rid of diapers since she was too big for them. That next Monday came...and the 1st thing she said to me in the morning was "I know i said i would potty train this week, but i changed my mind. I don't care if my diapers don't stay on". I didn't even remember at that moment that she was starting that day, SHE remembered though. So she definetly is "smart" enough to use the potty. It's that she doesn't want to.

I have looked at many books and read many articles online. It's like I laugh at their suggestions. they sound SO simple. But they've all been tried with Mya and they just don't work. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault. But I have tried everything. I don't know what to do. this has been the hardest parenting thing I've ever dealt with. I laugh at those that say girls are easier to potty train. Jordan was difficult but still 100 times easier. At least he would put the underwear on at least try to use the potty. I can't even get that out of her. In a month an a half, I'm going to have 3 kids in diapers. I don't know what to do. I did talk to the dr about 3 months ago about her issues. He said then that if she wasn't trained within the next month not to do anything till after the baby is born because it would be too much on her. But that makes her OVER 4 yrs old. I mean, who has a 4 yr old girl still in diapers? Not that I care what everyone else is doing, but it's just like what is wrong with me that she isn't potty trained yet. She is such a smart, beautiful girl. I don't get why this is so hard for her. I just think of how hard this is right now to deal with, I can't imagine what it's going to be like in a couple of months once I have the baby. I'm going to be so much more busy. How am I going to deal with this then? I'm will to take suggestions. I'm to the point where I don't even know what else to try. I pray and pray that she will come around.

My Pet Peeves of Motherhood

I kinda got this idea from a friend's blog. But some days..i just want to SCREAM...Here are some things that make me want to do that.

1. Picking up the couch pillows for the 100th time and it's only noon!

2. Getting dinner ALL cleaned up and the kids are already hungry again.

3. Stepping on crackers or cereal.

4. FINDING crackers or cereal on the floor right after vacuuming.

5. My kids tattle tailing on each other

6. when the kids ask for something and I say "ok, just one minute" and they ask the same thing OVER AND OVER for the one minute.

7. Getting Jordan all tucked in bed only to have him get up 2 min later to go to the bathroom (he JUST went!)

8. Reading stories to my kids and having them ask me what is going on in each picture as I'm trying to read it to find out what is going on in the story. I don't mind discussing it..but let me read the page 1st!!! lol

9. Cleaning up one room, only to walk into the next and realize it was getting trashed while i was cleaning the other room.

10. Searching for binkys. How do they get lost SO fast! And why is it that I can only find one even though we have like 10!!

11. Mason throwing food on the floor because he is "done" and i couldn't get it cleared off his tray fast enough!

Okay, so those are some of my pet peeves..but you know what...I don't mind...cuz it means that my house is full of precious little blessings that I could NOT live without! :)

Another sign he's growing up...

Tonight really made me see that Jordan was really growing up. He spent his birthday money on a VIDEO GAME....he bought some safari game for Wii. He is getting too big. I remember when he was a baby and Ryan would play playstation and he would say, "oh when jordan gets older, watch out..we will be playing Football on here all the time!" I would always say, "oh that is SO far off". Well, the day arrived. Tonight I watched as Daddy and his buddy played a video game together. My baby boy has truely grown up now!

The coffee is brewing...

It's one of those mornings...I just HAD to make some coffee. I don't always drink coffee in the morning. I'm not one of those people that have to have their morning coffee to function. I like it but truthfully...I'm too lazy to get it started in the morning...and by the time I get it made it usually ends up being cold in my mug because I'm too busy to drink it. In the winter I'm a little more motivated to make it for some reason. But today is a coffee day for sure. I was up till 2am (not doing anything important, just going thru my pictures). Then Mason woke up at 3am (which is normal for him) but by the time I got him all settled back to sleep in our bed I couldn't fall back asleep. When I did it seemed like just a few hours later Jordan came in our room (at about 6:30am) asking to lay in bed with us. Of course he didn't just lay...he tossed and turned and kept talking to Mason which made him want to stay awake. So finally at 7:30am I gave it up and got up. Now I'm dragging and SO tired. Not to mention I have a hyper baby boy on my hands as well. He won't just play, he feels the need to crawl and get into everything right now!!!!!!!!!!! Man, I'm tired! Now my coffee is done. Yum, coffee with 1% milk and splenda...okay, it's not Yum...some flavored creamer would taste much better but it's all I have right now. Maybe the caffiene will kick in soon and give me a little boost of energy.

Are my hands really full?!?!?!

Seriously, if I had a dollar for everytime someone told me I had my " hands full" I would have A LOT of dollars!! People are constantly telling me that I have my hands full or making comments similar to that to me when I'm out and about with my kids. I didn't really think much of it until today. We were walking thru walmart and I had Mason in his car seat in the back of the cart, Mya was in the front seat of the shopping cart and Jordan was walking next to me. We were doing our normal grocery shopping that we do every week. I had groceries shoved all around Mason and underneath the cart. Nothing unusual for me. Just a normal trip to the store. Then a lady looked at us and kinda laughed..then her husband said, "wow, you have your hands full!!". Just kinda smiled back and kept walking. Then I looked behind me to make sure there weren't some other kids walking behind us or something. I mean, the way they looked and commented you would think I had a trail of kids behind me. Is having 3 kids really having your "hands full"? I mean, yeah, I'm busy, but usually when people refer to you having your hands full they usually mean you have almost more than you can handle. I honestly don't feel like I have more than I can handle. Maybe if I added a few more then I would feel as though my hands are full. I don't know. It's just strange to me. By the comments people make you would think I have 10 kids or something (which by the way I would love to have!)!! I never really thought of 3 kids as having a lot of kids. Maybe because I grew up in a family with 3 kids. I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's a piece of cake having 3 kids, it's not always easy. But it's my life and it's what I'm used to. I LOVE having 3 kids and couldn't imagine not having them. I would LOVE to have about 2 more (but I don't think that is in the plans). They are just so precious. I don't consider "my hands full". I consider myself completely blessed.

Only 8 minutes left.....

Okay, so Mason is crying in his bed right now...i'm sorry, not crying, SCREAMING! I'm trying to block it out..but I just can't. I feel so bad. I suppose you are wondering why I'm not running in there to pick him up, right?!?! Well, I'm attempting to let him "cry it out". I'm doing all I can to keep my butt planted on this seat and not run in there to pick him up. I know he's SO tired. He keeps falling asleep in my arms. I mean it won't be 2 seconds and he'll be completely sound asleep. But the second I put him in his bed he wakes up. He needs to learn to sleep in his bed. He does sleep in there at night but only after about 10pm. Before that he sleeps in my arms. It just gets so hard to hold him and try to get the other 2 kids ready for bed and spend time reading to them and doing our bedtime routine. It's one thing if Mason was awake during all that but he is usually asleep. Okay, so now there is only 4 minutes left until I told myself I would go in there and comfort him then walk back out with hopes he will stay laying down and drift off into a peaceful sleep. I don't know if i can make it thru though another 15 minutes of this. I'm sure i'll see his little tear stained face and scoop him up into my arms and squeeze him tight and tell him I love him and that I'm SO sorry. Then he will wrap his little arms around me and nestle his face in my neck. And there we go...another night that I said I would let him "cry it out" and then just couldn't do it. Okay, time is up...time to go and rescue Mason from trying to go to sleep.

My first "non-myspace" blog

Wow, I did it! Never thought I would but a friend got me thinking about it and I cracked and decided to create my own blog other than the ramblings I write on myspace. It's 12:34am..yes, after midnight...the house is finally quiet. Kids are asleep...I can hear Mason breathing thru the baby monitor, Ryan is typing away on his computer busy doing his work, and I'm comfortably sitting in bed with my very own laptop (finally have my own). Ahh....finally a moment to relax...I've been waiting for this ALL DAY and the moment is finally here! Tomorrow is another busy day. A day to hug my kids, kiss my kids, play with my kids, discipline my kids, break up hitting matches that my kids will have with each other, hold the baby, nurse the baby, do laundry, fold laundry, put laundry away, make breakfast, make lunch, make dinner, probably go to walmart, pick up toys, pick up more toys, clean up food on the floor, wipe up spilled milk, change diapers, wipe poopie behinds, change more diapers, WHAT A DAY...and then...once again I'll have this moment after midnight when all my days tasks are completed to finally relax. YAY! anyways...i'm just rambling now. I need to get some sleep! Good night!