Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Children are a blessing....

Yesterday I went to Walgreens. As I was checking out I was holding Gracie (she was done wanting to be in the cart and since she can climb out of pretty much any buckle, I was holding her to keep her from falling out of the cart while I was checking out.) Mason was in the back of the cart so I could keep a close eye on him while I was checking out. While I was paying, the cashier was talking to Mason. I made the comment about how he was in his "running around" mood so I placed him in the back of the cart so he wouldn't run off. She then said to him "next time you should stay home with Daddy so Mommy can shop". Then I made the comment "oh, I have one at home already with Daddy". Then she said, "you have four kids?" I said, "yes, I do!" I said it with a smile on my face. I was proud of my 4 kids, I feel completely blessed by my four kids, so I'm sure the way I answered showed that. At least I hoped it did. But then the cashier said the most jaw dropping comment to me. She said, "oh, you poor thing!". I didn't say jaw hit the ground I'm sure. Did I hear her right? Yes, I DID hear her right. And the way she said it, she said it with such sympathy. Like someone who just said they were beat up or hurting really bad, not like someone who was blessed with children. I didn't even have a comment to make to her statement. At that moment that is. Now if she were say that to me again, I would have PLENTY to say to her about how much of a blessing my kids are to me. but at that moment she left me speechless. As I was walking away she then shouted out "you are done right? no more kids right?" I just nodded. It wasn't a nod to yes or a nod to no. Just a nod to acknowledge she spoke to me. Then she said, "I hope not, for your sake!" She said all this with a smile and kinda almost laughing. If she was saying this to be funny, I wasn't AT ALL amused. I'm sure she MENT what she said. This is OBVIOUSLY how she felt because why would she say it if you didn't think so?

After I left I felt SO angry towards that woman. How dare she make it out that my kids are a nuisense to me? How dare she act like I would be better off with less kids than what I ALREADY have? I was then so hurt feeling. Do people really view children this way? I have FOUR and each and every one of them are the most precious blessing I could EVER have received. Does that mean they are perfect? NO. Does that mean we don't ever have difficult times? NO. Does that mean I don't ever want to pull my hair out? NO. But those difficult times aren't a reason for me to ever wish I didn't have one of my children. God gave me them. They are a GIFT from HIM. A blessing. I don't understand how ANYONE can view them as anything but that.

I've been told comments by strangers before such as "wow, you have your hands full". That comment isn't QUITE as bad. I have to hands are full most of the time. But so is my heart. It's full of love for my children. God doensn't give us more than we can handle. Sure, with my own ablity I probably can't "handle" all four kids BUT that is why I rely on God--to help me and to enable me to do what I need to do. I've also been told by others "I hope you don't have any more kids". Seriously? How does that affect them? It hurts more than anything. Especially because we have been told that before we have had the four we already have. So it's like saying they hoped we didn't have our last two children. That BREAKS my heart. They are SUCH a blessing to me and couldn't imagine not having them a part of our lives. As far as the future and more children. Only God truly knows that answer. I'm completely content with our four but if God chooses to bless us again I will be thrilled and if he doesn't I already consider us fully blessed!

I don't want you to think that I think I'm a perfect parent. By no means am I saying that. I am DAILY on my knees asking God to help me with parenting issues. Either asking for forgiveness because I didn't have the patience I should have had or raised my voice when I shouldn't have or I'm asking for his guidence to guide us through raising our kids. I can't do this without God's help.

So maybe those people who make comments like that don't REALLY know what it's like to do this parenting thing with God on their side? Maybe they are doing this truly "on their own". I suppose then kids would be viewed more as a burden rather than a blessing. Maybe when I hear comments like that I need to let them know that with God all things are possible and without HIS help I couldn't do this either. Without God's help (or my husband's help) I would truly be "a poor thing" as that woman at Walgreens said. Maybe that is what this has taught me.

Children are a gift from the Lord;they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3


denise said...

I AGREE! I think because of our situation, we have gotten comments since the boys were little. It's hard to show thankfulness when you yourself are frustrated with them at the moment too.

My quick comment back is "they are blessings!". So if I get the handful comment, I add to it "they can be, but they are my blessings!".

You will not change their mind, but you may make them stop and think a second if you come up with something to say. When I started to work harder at commenting back is when I started to notice my boys listening to people. I decided I always wanted them to hear me stand up for them, even if that is not in my nature.

**hugs** you are a GREAT mommy!!!

NanaDiana said...

Oh~ I have so much empathy for you right now. I cannot tell you the number of times that people said that to me over the years. I have four also and I had the last 3 in four years (I wasn't getting any younger and wanted them close together). People would be downright rude sometimes...and I finally got in the habit of repeating back to the person what they said to me (like it was a question) and then asking...What do you mean? Like...Oh You Poor Thing. I would repeat it back like a question...Oh You Poor Thing? What do you mean?...and look really stops people dead in their tracks. They stutter and stammer about a bit..and finally say something lame like...Oh..I only meant poor for uh.....having all those kids...uh.

Then I would just say...I don't feel poor at all-I feel richly blessed...and would just leave them there feeling stupid.

Or..when they say -Are you done having kids? I would repeat...Am I done having kids? What do you mean? It's amazing the responses back you will get and it gives you time to plan what you REALLY want to say. Give it a try~

Guess what? You are such a loving Mom you will find that your kids grow up to be each other's best friends....just like my kids are! Hugs-Diana

Pam said...

Some people don't understand. They have blinders on. Praise the Lord that He has shown you the truth. That you have found His perspective.God bless your family!

Suzanne said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a comment. I have never thought of that before - the last paragraph of your post. Really changed my heart towards those people and gave me a new something to say. Wow. Thanks so much.

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