Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Mother's Pain

The most painful thing for me as a mother so far has been to see one of my children in pain and not being able to do anything about it. The feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are unbearable. Last night (well, and the night before as well) Mya woke up at 1:00am crying and screaming in great pain. She said her stomach hurt. I was holding her in my bed and trying to rock her back and forth. She kepts saying, "I don't understand...why does it hurt so bad"..then she would cry some more and move around like she couldn't handle the pain. Then she would say "please Mommy, make it stop!". I wanted to make it stop but I felt so helpless. I just prayed for her. It was all I could do. Then she said, "no, that isn't helping...why isn't Jesus making me feel better!". How do you explain THAT to a 3 yr old? When you teach them that we can pray to Jesus when we are hurting and here she is hurting but she is seeing no results?!?! I was trying to hold back my tears. I couldn't. Luckily it was dark in the room and she couldn't tell I was crying. I was in so much pain in my heart just knowing she was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything about it. As far as her stomach pains. I have no clue what they could be. She is not constipated, she is not having diarhha, she is not vomiting. Usually one of those 3 things are associated with stomach pain. Then today (and yesterday as well) she woke up fine. She is fine right now so we will see how tonight goes. When I was holding her last night as she finally calmed down (about an hour later and a phone call to daddy as well...she wanted to talk to him to see if he could make her better--I swear though, Ryan has this magic way of talking to her..doesn't matter the situation..he can always calm her down and make her feel better after she talked to him she seemed better and fell asleep in my arms) I couldn't help but think, "what if something is seriously wrong with my baby? I mean, it's not like she's what would cause her these pains in her stomach? Millions of things started entering my mind. Then I started bawling even more. Then I just said another prayer and layed her down. I know God is in control and I'm sure it's nothing serious. But still, it's scary. I'm praying that tonight is a better night. If it's not though, I will be taking her to the dr tomorrow for sure.

1 comment:

Listen up. said...

i love and miss you, Shawna. What an incredible mom you are. I am praying for you and for Mya.